


The Superlative Elevation Alliance

by yuletide_archivist



Category: The Middleman (TV)
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2008-12-24
Updated: 2008-12-24
Packaged: 2018-01-25 04:45:47
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,105
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1632299
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/yuletide_archivist/pseuds/yuletide_archivist
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>(Middleman/Wendy)<br/>An alternate universe in which Lacey will eventually start dating Tyler.<br/>Shortly before the volcano explodes.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Superlative Elevation Alliance

**Author's Note:**

> Beta by the heroic and lovely soupytwist!
> 
> Written for Bee

 

 

**An alternate universe in which Lacey will eventually start dating Tyler.  
Shortly before the volcano explodes.**

  


Wendy climbed back through the gap in the rear wall of the open-air signal post hollowed into the rim of the caldera. "What kind of crap were you trying to pull, sending me first?" she demanded. "That rope rig will only hold one more person, and you know it."

"Better one person than none," the Middleman said. Below, the mob of mentally degraded, physically augmented former world-class athletes worked with shambling ferocity to rebuild a bridge over which to swarm and destroy the intruders in a futile attempt to placate the unstable fiery core of the island. The Swiss relay team was putting in an especially good showing. 

"I thought I was a real Middleman now. I thought you respected me."

"I do, Wendy. But if one of us must perish from the hideous consequences of Dr. Thoreau's steroid experiments, well, I'd prefer it to be me." 

"Maybe we're not going to perish, all right? Maybe we're just going to kick mutant ass until some help arrives."

"You must recognize that there's simply no chance of Lacey and Noser being able to contact Ida in time."

"Not with the Middle-Jet sunk in a swamp at the base of the island," Wendy admitted.

"Then, please. Take advantage of this brief head start and let me face my final accounting knowing that you, at least, lived to fight another day."

Emotion entered Wendy's voice. The Middleman couldn't identify it precisely, but it definitely wasn't docility. "You think I'll just climb out and _leave_ you here."

"You must!"

"Well, I won't!"

He caught her arm. "You _must!"_

"Not gonna!"

"Peaches Louise, Dubbie, can't you see I love you?"

"You—?" 

Wendy's mouth fell open and stayed there. 

"It's entirely inappropriate, given the power imbalance inherent in any mentor-apprentice relationship, and the fact that we regularly remove our Middle-Clothes together in the Changing Room, but, yes, I fear so." The Middleman gave a sigh that was simultaneously critical of himself, Wendy's decision-making regarding doomed last stands, and the universe, and added, "More to the point, it's irrelevant, given that anyone who remains in this open-air signal post will shortly be torn limb from limb by a horde of ravening genetically-adjusted ex-Olympians."

"Wow," Wendy said. "You _love_ me? Really?"

"Heart and soul, Dubbie," the Middleman affirmed.

"I, uh, I didn't know that."

"Now will you honor a doomed man's last request and leave?"

Wendy just glared at him and got into position at his side, pulling her gun. On the far side of the ravine, the pole vaulters roared and foamed.

  


**An alternate universe in which Lacey will eventually start dating Tyler.  
Ten minutes before certain death.**

  
The bridge below them was almost complete.

"If only you'd accepted that ride with DOBITS earlier. You could have floated to safety aboard their vintage but fully functioning dirigible."

"The Daughters of Bilitis in the Sky? Hey. Why did they say you were sexually ambiguous?"

The Middleman frowned. "I have no idea."

"They were nice, though, weren't they?" She ducked her chin. "I think they honestly liked the uniform." Wendy patted her lapels in bashful self-satisfaction. 

"It... suits you," the Middleman said, and flinched. In his head, Ida began delightedly citing the Middleman Employee Harassment Policy.

Wendy snapped out of her happy memories and gave him a thoughtful once-over. She took a step closer. "Look, I'm sorry it took me a minute, okay? Guys don't usually just say the L-word to me. At least, not until after there's been at least a year of stupid fights and hot sex." 

"I'm afraid that isn't in the cards," the Middleman said, and this time his sigh was pure regret. 

She shrugged. "Well, we've already had one stupid fight..." 

"And we should be mentally and physically preparing ourselves to meet our deaths. If you're _sure_ you won't leave." He went back to keeping a keen watch on the path below, beginning to practice Sensei Ping's Silent Tsunami of Sublimation Through Violence to set a good example. "And may I say what a pleasure it has been to battle evil alongside such a gallant and effective Middleman as yourself."

Wendy grabbed at his slowly moving hand and then pulled it, with increasing confidence, down to her waist. He froze. 

"I think you missed what I was saying about the hot sex?" 

"On the contrary," the Middleman said, his eyes closed. "You have no idea of the self-control it's taking to suppress the series of erotic images passing through my mind."

"Oh, really?"

"It's—quite a strain."

She moved around to the front and reached for his collar. "C'mon, it's our last ten minutes on Earth, let's go out with a bang." 

"Wendy! Don't you want it written in the great book of Middleman obituaries, 'They died with their boots on'?"

Wendy got a raffish gleam in her eye. "We can keep them on," she suggested. 

He choked. "It's... I... _dignity."_

"Wait, there's a book?"

"Of course not. They're mostly kept on microfilm."

She shook her head rapidly and stepped in again. "We're about to get horribly torn limb from limb by ravening genetically-adjusted ex-Olympians. At least let me give you a hickey!"

  


**An alternate universe in which Lacey will eventually start dating Tyler.  
12:53 PT.**

  
Wendy was sulking.

"What are you, saving yourself for the afterlife?"

  


**An alternate universe in which Lacey will eventually start dating Tyler.  
Deus ex machina time.**

  


Thanks to the narrow entryway to the open-air signal post that restricted their attackers' onslaught, Wendy and the Middleman had managed to shoot, stiff-arm, and trip a number of their mentally ravaged but inhumanly strong foes off the rim of the caldera to a survivable landing in the surf below when the vintage, fully functioning dirigible with D.O.B.I.T.S. lettered on the prow descended from the clouds. A sustained blast from its supercharged water cannons swept away the rest of the attacking mob.

Lacey's blonde hair was whipping gracefully in the breeze as she leaned over the railing.

"Wendy!"

"Lacey!"

"Wendy! We're here to save you! The Daughters of Bilitis in the Sky offered to give us a ride in their dirigible!"

"Aren't they nice?"

Noser lounged at her side. "What's the only game you know, M.M.?"

"I believe it's 'do or die', Mr. Noser."

"Then you're the man of the hour," Noser said. "And the dudes have envied you for so long." 

The Middleman blushed slightly, kept his arm around Wendy, and re-buttoned the base of his collar. 

  


Not long after, the volcano exploded. 

 


End file.
